In this life

 I feel that this life of mine, I'm only here to suffer as atonement for the previous life. Only pain and misery. Feels like I can't have anything more. 

You gave me life

 and then treated me so badly 

destroying me every time 

like if I was an enemy to kill

why?

I haven't had the will to live

because of you

all this time

All this time

 All this time, I've been wanting to forget you, to erase you from within me, because I feel that each time I am dooming me even more and all these bad things happening to my family feels like a continuation of you and all your friends bad energy towards me.

Please release me. I know that the person I love was only a little part of you. I've asked so many times to be free from all this, especially this illusion of certainty that we were true and that we were destined for time and time again. 

 "no coward soul is mine",

tell me my love, was it not each time our eyes met in the dark, risking the peril, the utmost delight, our glimpse of paradise? 

my mouth still hungers

for your promised last kiss 

each dawn that I wait

missing you like the rain

again

to ever caress my cheek 

the fields have grown tall

dancing in the wind

in tones of your green 

and I try to stay alive 

just to see the moon

one more time 

 I wish for something 

unnamed 

never spoken of

a kind of blizzard hurricane 

the interior of a volcano 

all the beauty of the seasons 

in extreme profoundness 

and a blank empty peace

The main reason I don't like people anymore

 it's not only because of the murderous, gross, disgusting and selfish beings that they are, but more specifically because one takes care of them, feeds them, cleans them, keeps them alive and safe, and then they shit on you, basically.

Love is a losing game

 Do you know any couple who hasn't one that bosses the other? I wish there was. I hate that pure love doesn't exist and it's all a game of power. I really thought true love existed. Turns out it never did.

 It just occurred to me that maybe all my friends are mostly psychologists and musicians because the first just want to study my craziness and the second just want to steal my poetry lololl

 I don't have to believe it, because if I really allow myself to think about I feel it, I know it, it's more present and palpable than anything (and that's why it's so overwhelming and I can't deal well with it all). 

How to react

 There's always an amount of choice on how you can react to pretty much everything, grab it, right on the first seconds and don't let it go.